It's mid-November and the stores are filled with Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations! The holidays are just around the corner and we're all starting to feel it.“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” was one of my favorite holiday songs growing up. Mom loved Andy Williams’ smooth voice, and to me, it’s not Christmas without him singing about the “hap-happiest time of the year,” with kids jingle-belling, marshmallows for toasting, and everyone in good cheer.
These images sound magical, don’t they? Who doesn’t want the perfect holiday season?
Unfortunately, blended family challenges can bring extra stress. Even minor areas of friction can explode under holiday pressure due to everyone’s high expectations.
Let’s break down a few of these common stressors and explore ways to manage them effectively.
1. Holiday Traditions
Holiday traditions can be tricky, especially for newer stepfamilies. Parents often want to keep the traditions their kids love and expect. But in a blended family, which traditions take priority, and which ones fade?
This takes careful navigation, compassion, and understanding. Every family member might have a favorite part of the holidays—a specific ritual or moment they hold dear, like making a wish on the turkey wishbone or placing the star on the Christmas tree.
To find common ground, schedule a family meeting to discuss which traditions are most important to everyone. It’s also a great opportunity to create a new tradition unique to your blended family. This could be something simple, like baking cookies together, or a bigger decision, like skipping multiple gifts to save for a family weekend getaway.
2. Gift Giving
Gift-giving can be fun—but in stepfamilies, it often brings stress, especially if you’re co-parenting with an ex. Here are some familiar challenges:
The kids receive extravagant gifts from a parent trying to make up for lost time.
There’s an income imbalance, where one household’s gifts outshine the other’s, leaving one family feeling “less than.”
In a blended family, there are now more kids, so individual gifts may need to be smaller to make the budget stretch.
If any of this resonates, you’re not alone—many clients share these concerns. I suggest sitting down as a family to talk things through. Emphasize that the goal is to make the holidays special by focusing on family time. Consider keeping gift-giving simple, perhaps by setting a “couple of gifts per child” rule or arranging a sibling name-drawing exchange.
And a word of caution—don’t involve your kids in adult issues! They don’t need to know that support payments are why you’re on a tight budget. Let them enjoy the holiday magic, free from adult concerns.
3. Scheduling
My parents were masters at navigating the holidays once my siblings and I became adults with in-laws of our own. They requested we spend Christmas Eve together but kept everything else flexible, emphasizing that it’s the time spent together—not the specific date—that counts.
I bring this philosophy into my coaching practice. Custody agreements often dictate holiday schedules right down to the pickup hour, but if you can offer a little flexibility, it can ease holiday tension.
For instance, one couple I coached last year worked out a trade with his ex-wife: they asked for a few extra hours on Thanksgiving to travel out of town with his fiancée’s family. In return, they shifted Christmas morning drop-off to later in the day so the kids could enjoy a big holiday breakfast with their mom.
If you’re co-parenting in a less cooperative situation, focus on making the most of your time with the kids, and try to release any resentment. Resentment only takes away from your time together.
One last tip: The holidays can be stressful. By focuing on what you can control, you’ll create a meaningful season filled with cherished moments with your family.
If stepfamily challenges are making you dread the holidays, let's chat! I offer complimentary 30-minute Discovery Calls so you can share your concerns and we will see if we are a good fit...no obligation. Book a Discovery Call today:
Comments