Canvas, Brushes, and Paint: Tools for a Strong Blended Family
- Amy Ambrozich
- Apr 9
- 3 min read
Have you ever read a quote and thought, “This is SO spot on”?
That happened to me last week, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. It’s so beautifully stated, I knew I had to share it with you.
In The Smart Stepfamily Marriage, Ron Deal writes:
“Strong marriages don’t just happen. They are created over time by the intentional effort of the couple. Like the painter’s masterpiece, building a healthy marriage requires skill, creativity, endurance, and a working knowledge of the canvas, brush, and paint.” (pg. 43)
Yes. A thousand times, yes.
A healthy marriage isn't the result of luck. Sure, maybe luck played a part in how you met your partner—but the strength of your relationship and the success of your blended family? That comes from intention.
And if you’re here, reading this, I believe that’s exactly what you’re working on: being intentional with your words, your choices, and the way you show up in your relationship.
Blending a family doesn’t just happen. It takes:
Skill
Creativity
Endurance
Patience (my personal addition to Ron’s list)
Ron talks about the canvas, brush, and paint. Here’s how I see it in blended family life:
Canvas = Your family unit
Brushes = The tools you use—communication strategies, understanding stepfamily dynamics, and building a strong parenting partnership
Paint = The love, empathy, and compassion you pour into your relationships every day
This reminds me of a couple I recently worked with. They were feeling frustrated—with each other and with their family situation. They described their home as “two families under one roof,” not truly blended.
When I asked how they had prepared for life as a stepfamily, they said they arranged bonding time for the kids before the move-in, but it never really went well
What stood out even more was what they didn’t do.
They hadn’t talked much about how they would co-parent, what roles they each expected to play, or how their different parenting styles might clash or complement one another.
They hadn’t explored what their new “team” would look like, and without that clarity, both adults were making assumptions—and feeling disappointed.
“Alicia” was frustrated that “Pete” stepped in while she was disciplining her biological child.
Pete was annoyed that Alicia wasn’t handling his kids’ after-school schedules the way his ex-wife had.
They had assumed things would naturally fall into place once everyone lived together.
They had the canvas—their family unit.They had a little paint—some love and good intentions.
But they were missing:
Intentional Action
The Right Tools (Brushes)
Consistent Compassion and Understanding (Paint)
Once they began learning about stepfamily dynamics and gained practical tools, I saw their frustration begin to melt away. They started listening to each other’s perspectives and building from a place of mutual respect.
With every small shift, they were painting the kind of family they truly wanted.
Canvas + Paint + Brushes + Intention = A Stronger Family
So I’ll leave you with this:
Do you and your partner have all the pieces you need?
What’s missing right now?
And—this is a big one—what’s the cost of not addressing it?
If this message gave you an A-Ha moment, and you’re ready to move forward with the tools and support you need, I’m here to help.
You can book a complimentary Discovery Call to chat about your concerns or, if you're not quite ready for that, you can grab a copy of my Blended Family Blueprint Starter Kit. Inside the starter kit you'll find tools and strategies for a successful start to painting the picture you want for your family.
