One of the most common concerns I hear from birth parents in blended families is:
“My partner doesn’t love my kids like I do.”
I hear the frustration. I hear the pain.
But my response is always the same:
Of course, they don’t, and that’s completely normal!
Why Stepparents Love Differently
Think of it this way:
If your child’s life was a book, as their birth parent, you started reading on page one, chapter one. But your partner? They entered the story at chapter 5, 9, 12, or even 17—well into the plot. They’re missing key details that shaped the story, and that affects how they connect.
Here’s what stepparents often miss:
🔹 History – Those first steps, first words, birthday parties, and holiday traditions that built your bond weren’t part of their experience.
🔹 Context – You know what makes your child tick—their struggles, their joys, and what sets them off. Stepparents are still playing catch-up.
🔹 Connection – Love grows through shared experiences over time. Stepparents haven’t had the same years of bedtime routines, inside jokes, or everyday moments that naturally create deep bonds.
So What Can You Do?
If this dynamic is causing tension in your relationship, you’re not alone. But understanding it is the first step toward navigating it together. Here’s how:
✅ Recognize that this is normal. This isn’t a sign of failure—it’s simply part of stepfamily dynamics. Stepparent-stepchild relationships don’t follow the same timeline as biological bonds, and that’s okay.
✅ Listen to your partner without judgment. Your partner may feel pressure, guilt, or even frustration about their role. Instead of reacting defensively, create space for open conversations about how they feel. The stronger your parenting partnership, the better it will be for the whole family.
✅ Don’t take it personally. If your partner doesn’t love your child the same way you do, it’s not a lack of care—it’s a reflection of time and experience. Love and trust develop through consistent, shared moments over time.
Strengthen Your Parenting Partnership
This is why building a strong parenting partnership is so important in blended families. When you and your partner communicate openly, set realistic expectations, and support each other, you create a foundation where love can grow naturally.
💡 Want tools to help you and your partner get on the same page? My Blended Family Blueprint Starter Kit gives you the communication strategies and insights you need to build a stronger parenting partnership. Get it here!
